Listening to music through out the years, the general theme in the vast majority is about love and putting up with unrealistic demands, either on your self or the other person. For instance I was watching one music video the other day about putting up with an abusive relationship, where on the video she was burning. All I could see or hear in the video is that the song writers were advocating abusive relationships, with a great beat.

 

Obsession is another theme that repeats in songs. Obsessing over some person that you have no hope in having, and trying everything in your power to get that person to love you back. This type of obsession is so unhealthy, because an obsession is in essence being in love with an illusion. Like many psychiatrists say, “it is always good to build castles in the air, but when you move into the castle, we collect the rent”.  Furthermore, obsessions have a doubled edged sword in the having and then in the obtaining of an obsession. In the midst of an obsession, the obsession takes all your cognitive energies directed at one and only one target. In other words, you think so much and deeply about the obsession target that you neglect almost everything ells in your life. Just as some of those obsessions songs are primarily about love, Obsessions also cross over to other things, such as work, tidiness, gambling, exercise, and many other things.

 

The other edge of the sword that I was talking about, is in the obtaining of the obsession.  This is akin to dogs chasing cars, what would the dog do with the car if it would catch the car. Our illusions are so strong that we make up a world that everyone in the relationship is happy. But in reality the target of your obsession will not be controlled to fit your illusion. Even if you sing the words “I can change, I can change” in that bitter sweet symphony, if you are unable to change now then, singing about it in the future thence is a wast of time. Like all people recovering from addiction, change only really comes when ones life style is threatened. All the energy is put in gaining the target of your obsession that once the target is obtained, everything that you have worked for is completed, and no thought has been put into the next step, what will be your next conquest be? Or will you be lost and have no goal to work for. Obtaining an obsession is a recipe for disaster. Whereas obtaining a goal is far healthier, because goals are transient things and we know this. Goals are rest points on the path to future goals. Whilst obsessions are the end target and there is nothing beyond.

 

Songs about love lost, “do you see that we shall never be together again… Nylon sheets and blankets help to minimise the cold, Will the night mare soon give way to dreaming, that she is here with me here in the glory night” in the Genesis song, Domino. These songs about love lost is really about self-pity and wallowing in a self imposed depression, that can be a trigger to bigger maladaptive behaviour that can be devastating. I have seen in my professional life that we are so brainwashed that relationships need to be these long lasting existences’ of eternal bliss, that when they hit those rocky patches in life and love is on the rocks, you reach out for a drink on the rocks. And reaching out for a drink to help you through the day does not kill the problem like roundup, it irrigates the problems so that they grow and flourish, fertilised by your own self-pity.  Against the general belief that is portrayed in songs, we create the relationship styles we have, they don’t just happen, likewise we create the relationships we have, we are not domed to be in bad relationships. If one party is hiding a life that is outside normal conventions, granted this is something unexpected. But on a hole we attract the type of person by the things we control. And song often than not teach us how to attract disaster and how to respond to disaster, and how to be obsessed. There are better ways to find the one and only shmo for you, in fact there are millions of shmos out there for you. Songs of love lost help deepen depression, as a co-worker stated to me these songs are “suicide songs” they are the songs we listen to when a relationship has just ended. So if you feel miserable, we play the song to match our emotions. Don’t pick these songs to listen to when in a down mood, you want to recover so pick the happy music when you feel down.

 

So this leads me to another topic revolving around music. I have come across people that say that they need to calm down and relax, but persist in listening to fast beat music and rap songs. Here is a lesser known secret that therapists and business psychologists do not tell you. The speed of the music will govern how long you stay in a shop and the type of music dictates what you will buy. For example; there was an experiment conducted in a bottle shop, one week the experimenters played French styled music, and found that French wines sold more than other wines. The following week they played German music, and found that German wines and bear sold more than any other in the shop. Like wise the body synchronises to the beat of the music, thus a fast beat in the music with increase the heart beat, and the opposite applies. That is why you will never find fast music in a therapist’s waiting room, or during meditation.