I went to Laura’s Psychology Blog to see what she posted and to see what interested me.
Well I did find her posting interesting about Love and followed her link to ABC New and Tech about Love.
What I found in during sessions with clients with addiction is that when Love with a person in their life increases their A&OD addictive behaviour decreases. I have used time line probing with clients to find patterns of behaviour and how these behaviours overlap with other issues in their life.
The pattern is distinct … A negative correlation … Person to person Love replaces (though not fully) the love for a drug.
I have been reading a journal article about the relationships between Alcohol and Other Drug (A&OD) Counsellors with their clients. It is advocated within counselling courses and with psychology that the principals of the Rogerian method be the core of all therapeutic relationships. Those principals are the abilities in the counsellor of empathy, positive regard, non-judgmental, and client centered. Wolff & Hayes (2009) illustrates this in their research, by finding that strong negative reactions towards clients, the clients rated a weaker working alliance and less empathy towards the therapist. Wolff & Hayes (2009) further states that even negative facial expressions can have devastating affects on the client, although the clients still rated the therapeutic process as having depth in their session with the therapist. Thus Wolff & Hayes (2009) explicating their findings is that clients that feel their therapist have more empathy and who have stronger working alliance also creates a more positive emotional feedback to the therapist, thus creating positive emotions in the therapist. I feel that this feedback loop is evident is every walk of life, at work, and at home.
It is well known in the therapeutic community that clients do present them-selves with a range of behaviours that have a detrimental effect on their recovery. Some of these behaviours are displayed as being defensive, hostile, provocative, along with being avoidance and helplessness (Wolff & Hayes, 2009). These behaviours can elicit strong emotions in the therapist such as anger, defensiveness, inadequacy, and withdrawal (Wolff & Hayes, 2009).
This research as with many other documented journal articles is descriptive and not prescriptive, which does form a problem when a therapist wishing to improve their affectability when dealing with clients. We all enter an encounter / session with pre-established attitudes and passions or prejudices, from previous sessions with the client or from stressors from outside the therapeutic process. Just as many new age doctrines advocate the idea of “living in the moment” and treating each moment as the first time you have experienced the moment (Zukav, 2001; Rowland, 2009) is the key to reducing the counter-transference of negative emotions. I have found in my experience that when you keep the information from previous therapeutic session, but drop one’s emotional information, the therapist is in affect treating the session as a new session each time.
You may ask “but nothing is new, this person has not changed, how can it be new?”
The answer to this, you already know, but have not put it into words yet. The mood and emotional responses and intervening experiences are new, in the therapist and in the client. Thus it is the first time you and the client are in a session, ok you are building on previous knowledge. Just try to stop building on previous negative emotionality.
However, Wolff & Hayes’ (2009) research also found that therapists that have their own A&OD issues have no difference with therapists that have no A&OD issues, in regards to the client therapist relationships. But those therapists that have A&OD issues do stick to one type of therapy (eg, CBT, 12 Step) without straying into other forms of treatment (Wolff & Hayes, 2009).
- Rowland, M. D. (Director). (2009). Being in Heaven [Motion Picture].
- Wolff, M. C., & Hayes, J. A. (2009). Therapist Variables: Predictors of process in the treatment of alcohol and other drug problems. Alcoholism treatment quarterly , 27, 51-65.
- Zukav, G. (2001). The Dancing Wu Li Masters. HarperCollins Publishers.
In 1990 the Hollenburg Singers-Church came to Australia. I was the camera man on the trip and now I am in the process of converting some of the Tapes to DVD. Here is one clip of them in Orange an the RC Church.
Schemas, as I have written about are scripts that are built up with every experience that we encounter, no matter how small or how large. These scripts do not just give you the game play on how to behave in a restaurant or while playing a game. These scripts become habits that live as automatic behaviours that are sub-conscience.
I have clients that often ask me “why do I get stuck in relationships that are abusive?” or “how is it that I always get dragged back into that world?”
In a nut shell I use metaphors and stories to illustrate how we bring on the experiences that we have time after time via the scripts we use that have taken a life time to develop. Then describe how to change those scripts, to bring on the experiences that we want. I also bring examples from my own life how I have used methods to change my own attitudes and thus behaviours.
These scripts (schemas) are simple in design but are harder to change, because they are imbedded in our mind so deeply. But when a key schema is changed, we begin to view the world in a whole different way, and behave or react to situations with a new awareness.
My favourite metaphor is of fishing. When a person goes out fishing, they first need to ask them-self “what type of fish do I want to catch?” Then based on that decision they pick the lure they need and the bait to place on the lure. Then research is needed to find where those types of fish like to be. For instance you will not find Shark in fresh water or Tuna in your local dam. Thus a lot of planning is needed, and only then can you take the trip to go and catch the fish. Not forgetting that you need patience for one fish to take the bait.
It is with this metaphor that we need to understand that we are the fishing lure, and the bait, the research is the self-development that we must do to change our behaviour. And finally, where you go fishing is the social network that you need to go to, to get what you want to get. For instance you will not become a General Practitioner (GP, Dr.) if you are studying IT. You will not find a person as a partner that is happy, law abiding, live healthy with good ethics if all your friends are egocentric and untrustworthy. Thus if you have a dream of being with some one that is of good standing, or become a person with better morals, or even enhance your career, you need to start to change yourself, then the rest will fall into place.
Above all things, Be true to yourself. Investigate your own motivations, and reasons for acting the way you do.
In the Sunday Telegraph on the 17/10/10 Page 39, there was an interesting editorial about shoppers expectations.
Aussie consumers are among the least tolerant in the world when it comes to bad service, according to an international customer service survey. The American Express Global Customer service Barometer, says Australia is second only to Mexico with almost nine of 10 Australians saying they had stopped doing business with a company as a result of poor service. Even the United States, known for its customer service culture, was more accepting pf sloppy service than Australia
This is intriguing for 2 reasons, is our service to others a priority when it comes to staff training, performance, or pressures from other stress factors? Or do we expect better service that what is actually delivered, that being that our expectations are higher that they should be?
On a personal opinion, and experience, the service in some shops do have a lot to be desired. Yet – I have also found that in shops that are run by the owner you do get excellent service, even when the customer does not spend any money. Thought is to is not the rule to all businesses run by the owner.
Thus as serendipity has worked once again, the workshop called Work Ethics behaviour. This workshop helps with the decisions making process in the work place along with the interaction between the staff. Along with the interactions with the clients/customers.
By giving good service increases customer loyalty. But service entailed more that what one would expect the meaning of service to be. Service is the creation of the desire within the clients/customers to come back time and time again and to refer other to your business.
Call me if you wish to learn more about customers service skills, or to make a group booking for a workshop for your staff.
I have been reading about ethics and morality in society, doing research for a 6 hour workshop that is now available for customers. The thing I found most interesting is that the fundamental to ethics in written on the hearts of all people and some creatures.
We learn in the development of humans that we are born with some innate abilities, almost reflexes. For instants, when a baby is born there is a griping reflex. So when pressure in placed on the palm of an infant’s hand they grip. Likewise there is a standing reflex in newborns, when there is pressure placed on the souls of the feet of newborns they push out and straighten their legs, wanting to stand. Another reflex is to hold the breath when submerged in water.
Lennick and Kiel (2005) describes that empathy is another innate behaviour that we are born with. They describe when a room full of infants in the same room and one starts crying, many more if not all begin to cry. It has also been observed that when one baby cries the closest baby will place a hand on the crying baby, and the crying baby stops crying. Furthermore, with the advent of MRI scanning, it has been discovered that when people observe the emotions of others (via video) that similar brain cells become active in the observer.
I found that this is a remarkable finding that has evidence to back up what many mothers or fathers will tell you is a fact. Lennick and Kiel (2005) indicates that at the core of ethics and moral behaviour is empathy with our fellow inheritance of this planet. It is when we are taught to fear, empathy is bleached out of our innate behaviour through the socialisation by parents, friends, schooling, and the many forms of media (ie. TV, movies, newspapers, radio, games, etc).
Where do our new ethics come from?
I work with some of the most dangerous people that are not in the custody of the legal system. And if I would try to control them or direct those using fears as a form of obedience, within a residential therapeutic organisation, I would be in physical danger most of the time at work, using this method the clients would not benefit from the service, they would leave the service and continue being a harm to themself and to the wellbeing of others. Thus working with empathy, respect, and understanding, the clients display obedience with a smile and strive to emulate the workers that display these qualities.
We that live in society are being controlled by fear, and mistrust of others, creating the ethos of ‘each for their own’. When you drive along residential housing estate we see small prisons that we have created for our self, because we are fearful of those that we give no respect and empathy for.
Lennick, D., & Kiel, F. (2005). Moral Intelligence: Enhancing business performance & leadership success. New Jersey: Pearson Education Inc.
I was in discussion a few days ago about people having to be busy so that they do not start to do “head miles” (AKA think to much). Likewise some seem to think that the only way to be important and save one from one’s self is to be busy.
This is where I disagreed!
If you are working and cannot have a quiet walk along the beach, or spend a day with your self in quiet contemplation without the TV, Radio switched on and stopping all house work, you may find it difficult when retirement comes. I know of some that have received their importance from their work, then when retirement came, they broke down. When the importance is gone and the phone stops ringing you will find your self spending more time with your self. Thus the picture becomes true “Who cares – I’m Retired”
If you find it easy in youth to make friends, old age and retirement will be the same you will make friends easy. If you can sit and spend time with your self now in youth, likewise retirement will be easy.
So the advice I give is start to hone those skills now. Smile more, talk to strangers, and join a club that you like. Furthermore place importance in the people around you, not in the power you have at work.
I have seen this picture do the email rounds for the last 3 years and I still get a kick out of the picture. Fake or not I like it.
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